I had my first panic attack. I actually had to research the symptoms and the result that came up were a panic attack, just to make sure. Letting you know that I don’t have anxiety disorder or that it’s in any record. Just want to be clear here. I don’t want to self diagnose as I think I’ll be disrespectful to those who actually have it. Also, I believe I don’t have an anxiety disorder, because I’d compared myself to a close friend who has anxiety and used to have depression. Including that I had looked up the meaning of it (lol relying on the internet) and getting a more understanding what it actually defines as. It wasn’t a great feeling. Just a few days, I was starting to feel a bit better, more stress came in. I could say is that I cried in front of 2 strangers and had a dark cloud over my head for around 4 days.
This month had been productive and depressing as well. But I have to look forward and move it I guess.
Illustration of the post. Sorry for a slightly negative post.
I have been job hunting for a while now. Not much successful, but I’m still trying. Maybe, I’m applying for the wrong places (retail) with my dull personality. I do give a more duller personality and speech compared to everyone else in the room. Yeah, majority of them were group interviews. It has pro and cons about it but mostly, you’re competing people in the room and you can tell, well from what I seen trying to impress the managers. For me, no matter what, I can’t bring myself to bring that ‘bubbly’ and ‘outgoing’ personality, specially on the first impression. Well from what my friend said; Fake it till you make it (Again, can’t bring myself to do that).
So, I thought I could just learn another skill that might open more doors for me and probably will give me another upper chance in landing a position. The result was…doing a barista course. Yeah, I think it would be fun to do and a cool skill to have. Plus, I like drinking coffee, it would be interesting to learn more about. Additionally, it’s going to be more fun since I’m doing along with a friend and her sister.
Here’s a illustration for this post. Something related to this post
Wah~! It’s been probably over a month since my last post. I’m so sorry for not posting anything. I left it for too long to the point it dragged for days. I’m gonna leave dot points what has been happening.
- Escape Room! I did this the first time with friends. We had wanted to try it out and it was fantastic. We’re planning to do another. So fun, just solving puzzles and quizzes. I would recommend it to anyone.
- I got a ticket from my friend as my birthday gift. Ended up watching La La Land. I liked it. I would personally rate it 7/10. We sat one of those recliners chairs with complementary popcorn and drink. Another first time experience.
- Yeah, this was my birthday month as well as one of my friends. It didn’t feel like it. I had my mind on what should I get for my friend. But, we already knew what we got each other. We talked and asked what we wanted.
- I had 2 job interviews.
- I got bad news from my team about a project we’re involved.
- Spent the weekend eating out for my birthday with friends. Time spent well and pleased with the food.
- And recently, went to see 50 shades Darker. To be honest, it was better than the first one. I would rate it 6.5/10. Before I had rate it 7…maybe because I was being generous. The group of middle ages women in front of us had a blast while watching the movie. It was cute and funny, with their reaction to the film.
Yeah that’s the brief summary I did this month of February. Oh, and I’ll probably add an illustration of the post like quote of the day. I think it’s a good idea.
Talk About Boring…<- I should probably stop doing this signature thing. I feel like it’s cheesy.
Illustration of the Post:
I’ve watched my first movie of the year. I assume the last time I watch my first movie of the year was two years ago, watched 50 Shades of Grey on Valentine’s day. Yup, the room was packed. Going through the back, I’ve only had watched one movie a year.
I watched Sing with my friends. The end of it, I enjoyed the movie. It was fun, it made you want to sing and there were a few moments that it had a few deep moments. Also to mentioned that, there we’re lots of kids in the theatre. I fail to remembered that this movie was targeted mostly for kids. There were good characters that are likeable.
Sorry there’s no illustration that is related to this post. But I added a nice one for ya.
Talk About Boring….:P
I would declare that this year wasn’t my best year. I ended up being too emotional than usual; from stress, having negative thoughts and questioning everything, which wasn’t great for my mind. This lead me to breaking down into tears, twice! Remembering how long I felt, it was about more than the first half of the year, up to August. Again, this story can be on it’s own post or else it’s gonna be a long one, and I don’t think you’re going to read a long ass of words.
However, things got a better turn later on. I finally got a paying work, only it was temporary. It was out of my comfort zone, but it wasn’t bad than I expected to be. During that and after, I got to do this freelancing job. It was awesome and way better than working on the project that lead me into “depressed” mode. And I got to go on my first vacation in a long time.
Even though I’m not financially stable, I’m grateful to have a roof over my head, my family to support me, my friends who’s there listening to me vent my problems. I don’t know if they’re sick of it or not *laughs*. As well as, to the job agency who’s helping me and the person I’m under. She’s the best. From the stuff I read and hear about job agencies. I’ll say I’m lucky to be there and have her as my ‘consultant’. Not really the official term, but that’s how they’re like.
I’m hoping for 2017 will be a better year on the point of majority of 2016 wasn’t my year.
I thought it was going to be a longer post. Much as reflecting what I’ve done, it was largely was working to build up my career. Well, you have to sacrifice some things you enjoy. But I would still get a good 8 hours of sleep and a little exercise which balanced it out.
Talking about boring…having negative thoughts really isn’t a good feeling.
In the morning, I woke up with a message. My friend sent the group chat with an attached photo of Christmas gifts that she brought for us.
First thought was “Oh my god”. Not in a ‘yay’ way but in a ‘no’ way.
I had a thought of buying Xmas gifts for my circle of friends. But knowing our group, we won’t meet each other as a whole group probably, somewhere in 2017. So there wasn’t a point. It was nice of her, but she didn’t had too. I feel like I’m obliged to buy the group Christmas gifts. For starters, I have a feeling, when everyone saw that photo, they’re gonna buy presents now for everyone (I could be wrong with that). I know I don’t have to buy any, but if I didn’t and was the only one didn’t buy anything. I would feel like a sh*tty person.
Side story, I have a friend (from another circle) who brought a birthday present. We tried to plan to meet up but we never met up with her. Now it had been more over a year and she still holding that present in her room.
I did the shopping myself. Was hoping for my mum and brother to tag along, but was too lazy to come. I browsed around areas, deciding what I can buy before actually purchasing it. I was bummed when I wanted to buy the dutch pancake maker, that I could make takoyaki. There were stock when I was there the day before.
I concluded with those small building blocks of characters, like those nano blocks. These skin, beauty, body stuff made from coconut oil for the birthday gift, she likes anything with coconut oil. And candles. When I arrived home, I was counting how many gift for each person. Each person had the building blocks and candle, so two gifts. I had apprehended with why did I see 4 presents in the photo while I had gifts for 3 people. I named out my friends. Turned out that I forgotten one more person. Insert a big sigh. I didn’t want to go back and buy those 2 gifts. I came up with the solution with I’m just gonna give them the those blocks and give the birthday girl an extra candle as there xmas present. That should be fair and thinking about it, I don’t think she’s into those blocks.
Sorry not having an illustration or photo attached to this post. It’s gonna it only text.
Talk about boring…Present shopping.
This would be my first vacation out of my house in 6 years. You could say I was very excited about this trip; you know getting out of the house and relax my mind as it had been negative and I had been stressful (that can be more in detail in another post).
What made it more thrilling was that I’ll be with my friends. To bad one out of our circle couldn’t make it. To me it would been more an ideal type of trip, if she went. But it can’t be helped.
Our flight was in the morning, so we had to wake up early to get to the airport. I hadn’t woken up at 5am in a long time. We arrived and went to get out tickets. As we got those, we were informed that our flight was delayed…for 4 hours from our original time. Great wasn’t it? We woke up early for nothing *laughs*. Although, they did gave as a $10 voucher. Not enough as we used that to buy breakfast, and you know how the airport food prices are. Spent time chatting for a bit then moved towards our gate. Next, guess what? It was delayed again for another hour. Later add another 30 minutes. During our time waiting, we just sat there. I was starting to tired and hungry. I didn’t want to buy food. They gave us an announcement about the reason was that it had something to do with the engine, and that was why it was delayed.
Basically, half of our day was wasted. By the time we actually got to our accommodation, it was pass 6pm. Before that when we landed, we went out to buy groceries and had a brief look around Cairns. I got to say, it was so humid. Sweated and needed a nice cold shower. End of the day, we ate ice cream and played taboo.
What an experiences.
Talk about boring, waiting half of the day.